I threw my empty can of Monster at the wall, hearing the loud clanking and tin sounds and instinctively clutching my head at the noise- it was as if everything was magnified to sharp senses of 110%. Shut it UP! I screamed in my head, hugging my knees to my body, making the blankets on my bed tumble off. My brain was on hot wire. The colors around my room were jumping out at me, flashing neon and brightening contrasts- a wave of migraine in colors.
This is why people think I'm crazy. Though, I have my friends. Only because they were crazy too and couldn't help the fact they were getting pushed farther and farther from school popularity. But I was already at the bottom of the High School list. I was sitting there, at the bottom, knowing they were going to make new slots and places- just waiting for them to shove me down on the list even more.
I knew it was going to happen.
I had already flown off the handle, considering the fact I was Goth and for some reason everyone had a problem with people who wear black and have eyeliner. So on so forth. Basically when I drink Monster, I expect the world to implode right beneath me- and everything in my world always does. I stood up from my bed, shakily stumbling towards the wall, eyes wide. I couldn't help feeling a little too jittery.
I couldn't help the fact that every time I get like this I think of how it would be like if I weren't crazy, or Goth, or addicted to the sweet sensation of Monster that sends my world tumbling around so much- that I hate it. Though, all the time, when I drink Monster at night, I always love it even more in the morning, when it's all gone, when there's no sensation floating in my brain and taunting how I think. Only because I loved the sensation of the world falling beneath my feet. Because I love how it feels to know everything could always be worse than being cast out from popularity, having divorced parents, knowing one is in jail thinking he is 'changing his ways', and going towards God.
I love to feel like anything could be worse then living with my grandma, forcing my older brother to move out, and knowing my grandpa gets pissed off with every little thing I do. I love to feel like there's something worse than knowing you feel like killing yourself every day, or knowing that you have your own little dog named Peanut who's even a little freaked out by you. I leaned against my door, hugging myself and staring awkwardly at the bed. The blankets were completely off, the pillows were on every edge besides the foot of my bed, the sheets were half-way off and hanging off the side, and - of course – I was not in it. And I was not going back in it tonight. I stepped over all of my shit on the floor and to my bedroom window.
I tugged it open, pulled the screen out, and leaned out of the window, staring down a couple feet to the ground. I turned, looking back around the room for the leash. I pulled it out of a pile of clothes in a basket and headed to the door. I creaked it open and crept outside. I peeked around the corner of our kitchen and slipped into it, feet freezing on the tile floor.
I glided over to the other side of the couch, seeing my dog curled up there with my Nana. I picked him up gently, making him open his eyes and yawn, stretching his legs. He stared up at me, like 'what are you doing now?'. I tucked him under my arm and walked quickly back to my room. He was still warm, too, so I wasn't that cold anymore.
“You're going with me for a walk, okay?” I whispered to him, placing him and the leash on my bed and tugging my black tennis shoes. He seemed to stare at me with the words 'okay, yeah, a little white-and-brown Chihuahua dog trotting around with a black-wearer. Okay, we'll totally clash, but thats okay.' I just pulled my other shoe on and clicked the leash on his blue collar, picking him up again. I took the leash in one hand and slipped him in under my arm again. I shoved my window open wider, cringing at the shrieking noise in my head. I sat on the window sill for a moment, thinking of how stupid this was. And how I really shouldn't go out in the middle of the night. 12:16am, to be exact, thanks to my alarm clock by my window. But then took in a breath and jumped out. I immediately landed on my feet, bending over and setting Peanut down. I still had the leash in one hand as I walked over to the sidewalk with him- though I dropped it as soon as I felt claw-like hands pull me back, catching me off balance. My lit senses weren't helping in this situation.